Your mouth can't get pregnant

will check for broken links later...


Here in So. Cal. there are a lot of contests and places that give away boob jobs. Man I love this place, and I will probably never move away from So. Cal. How exactly do you up the boob intensity?

Secondly... Capt. Crunch is kick ass especially with the crunch berries.


Up the boob intensity by wearing more padded bras...forget the foam crap, we're talking gel inserts...and researching where I can win a boob job! I'm desperate!

I've said it before and I'll say it again...when I'm pregnant, i'm going to look like SUCH a whore 'cause I'm going to wear massively low cut tops and stuff.

As for Captain Crunch....I realized yesterday that Cap'n Crunch is different in the US than in Canada. Not a huge difference...tehyr'e slightly longer and "puffier" (like more holes and airy and stuff) in Canada...so overall the taste is the same but the consistency is a little different (and they don't get soggy half as fast as tehy do in Canada).

So far, these are the differences in products (made by the same company):

1. Kraft Macaroni and cheese....same stuff, but in the US the box looks like this

In Canada, we call it Kraft Dinner...or just "KD"...it looks like this:
KD Baby!

2. Vegetable Thins. I mean, in Canada this cracker is THE UBER CRACKER...i used to eat this cracker like it was a drug. In the US, it's just nasty and no one eats it...
In canada, it's the good stuff...

3. NesQuik (aka Nestle Quik)...it's actually not THAT different except there's way more sugar in the Canadian version.

4. Smarties. THAT took awhile to figure out. People couldn't figure out what i was talking about when I would say it...well Smarties in the US is what we call Rockets in Canada (Smarties pic
Whereas these are Smarties in Canada which are nothing more than the poor man's M&Ms (the chocolate kind)

5. Pepsi. Well okay the beverage is the same but it's more like if you're English-speaking and you live in Canada, you're not gonna ask for Pepsi. I don't care you think Coke tastes like ass. You just don't ask for Pepsi. I have to admit, it was bizarre being able to even SAY Pepsi in the US when I moved here without getting the "what are you, French?" wisecracks...and that being said, dang, turns out i LOVE Diet Pepsi.

A bit of history for y'all: the reason for this is 'cause usually in Quebec/French TV stations all they do is put French voiceovers on regular English/American commercials. Whereas Pepsi was pretty smart...they put French celebrities in Pepsi commercials and actually gasp filmed them in French, which of course French people love...so Pepsi is associated with French people. At best, all i can compare it to would be if a person here asked for Fanta or something at a restaurant

6. Okay so I know there's a TON of chocolates that are in Canada that they don't have here (and vice versa), but I have to admit...I can't begin to explain how much I miss my Mr. Big...I didn't even really eat it that much when I lived in ottawa but DAMN now I have to get my friends to go to Costco and mail me huge bulk boxes of the stuff. I FLIPPED on my mother when she came to visit and she ate my last 12 bars (you don't understand...i make one bar last like 6 months)...she thought you could buy them here.

It's Animal Cruelty/Human Violence Awareness Week

Wow, I've seen it all now...Kiss is launching their own perfume line for men AND women.

Talk about missing your marketing opportunity by around 20 years....

So just some random thoughts for today.

Cruises
Lol Marlene...Kraig and I have done a cruise, I'm not a big fan of them...I actually had a massive freak out last time we went on one (to the Bahamas) because I realized that I wanted to get off the ship but I couldn't...all that nothingness around me...I just kept saying "I want to get off. I want off. I can't get off. But i wan't off."...i mean, it wasn't that big of a deal but it suddenly hit me that I couldn't just walk off and that really bugged me (kindo f pathetic considering my dad works for the Coast Guard and I should be used to large boats)...I find them to be great for old people who like nothing better to do than to sit around and eat all day (i think we were the youngest ones there!)...

Jeans

So I was at the post office the other day for what seemed like forever...and this dude at the counter was kind of cute, and i'm scoping him out ('cause what else do you have to do when you're stuck in an effing post office) until I looked at his jeans...

The back pockets were WAY too big and went way too low...they practically went to the back fo his knees. it looked bizarre. Plus they weren't all hip-hop style..these were normal Gap-looking-type jeans.

So after doing an extremely informal poll, I realized (what we obviously already knew but I still wanted to confirm): girls take HUGE importance on what back pockets look like on their jeans...and guys say "there's pockets back there?"...

Guys, FYI...girls take their back pockets VERY seriously. Too small and your ass looks huge. Too big and your butt looks weird. Place too low and your ass looks droopy. Too high up and your butt cheeks look funny. Pocket placement is just as important as fit when it comes to jeans. And all chicks know this.

Bra shopping
So I had to go to Williams Sonoma yesterday to finish up some wedding shopping for a certian coworker, and i had time to kill while they wrapped it so I went to Victoria's Secret to finally use the gift card that's been burning a hole in my wallet.

I officially have the worst boobs EVER. My body is SO deformed. WTF. Personally i'm not a big fan of VS bras anyway, but I needed a new strapless one and I didn't want that gift card to keep weighing down my wallet (if you've seen my wallet, you'd know what I mean).

Heck, I even had to get the girl to measure me. MEASURE ME. WTF. Well okay I didn't get her to measure the cup (because their effing cup sizes are inconsistent per bra)...but apparently i'm smaller than I thought I was which, for any guys reading this, is like finding out your man meat is really smaller than you thought it was. I wanted to DIE.

Okay maybe not die...but I certainly wanted to suck the fat out of my thighs and shove them in my boobs....grumble. I need to up the boob intensity!

Real World: KEy West
This year's token "meathead frat boy" is my BOY! I dig this guy. My heart melted when he picked up Paula from the floor and tucked her in bed...chicks are suckers for that kind of thing. Anything where you do the "carrying her in the arms" move is always brownie points...it helps if the house is on fire and you're carrying her out...

(I have this thing about being able to be carried out of a burning building. Don't ask. It's up there with dudes looking good when they chop wood. With their shirts off).

Confession
Yes I'll probably be oneo f the stupid chicks that goes to see Lindsay Lohan's next movie. Suck it.

Things you learn about your spouse....

I was craving Captain Crunch the other day so i had it in the pantry and Kraig was like "so what's with the captain crunch?"
Me: "I was craving it"
Him: "Since when do you eat Captain Crunch"?

OH
MY
GOD

I went through at least 2 years of my life where you could have stabbed me and Captain Crunch would have oozed out of my gut. I LOVE CAPTAIN CRUNCH! It's always amazing when you learn (or edumacate) your spouse on something that is such common knowledge...

I need a manicure and pedicure
Okay no real thought on that. That's just a note to self that i gotta do that tonight.

The Adam Corolla Show
So this morning on the Adam Corolla show they were talking about how the hottest chicks are in commercials right now...forget girls like Eva Longoria or Sarah Michelle Gellar that always seem to be on Top 100 lists.

One dude and called in saying the Milky Way girl was hot (the one where the guy is in his car and his chocolate bar is talking to him)...but Adam said the hottest was the Overstock.com chick, which cracks me up because to me she seems so...blah.

ANYWAY the pointo f this story is that her name is Sabina and she's from Germany...I almost didn't get out of my car this morning because I was so blown away by hearing my name repeated over and over on the radio. Geezus, my mother in law sometimes still calls me "Sabrina" so to hear a RADIO SHOW say "Sabina is so hot"...i was in heaven! I'm amazed even Adam got the name right.

And that folks...

Is the end of today's random babble. I'm off to see Henry!

That's Ren and Stimpy. They're way existential.

Listen, maybe I didn't make my point clear enough.

Brazillian waxes are NOT cool. They are NOT hot. They are painful, evil, and just about as much fun as a colonoscopy. (Oh yes, a colonoscopy, great fodder for a blog i'm sure).

And no, i doesn't get easier with time. Regular bikini waxes don't. Would getting kicked in your balls get easier with time? no? exactly.

So I have a confession to make...

I watched the series premiere and the regular episode of What about Brian.

I absolutely dig stories where Person 1 falls for Person 2, but Person 2 is already spoken for...with Person 1st best friend. Plus, this is alot like "ThirtySomething" for the 20's generation. I love it.

AND it's got the dude from Legally Blond (the boyfriend who dumps Elle)...and I'm always supportive of actors who are in great movies but cant' seem to get a decent gig.

ANyway...that's my big confessin. Yes, I deserve a caning (who watches a TV show that has the 7th Heaven guy in it?!). it's going to be my guilty pleasure until it's taken off the air.

You know what show I miss? Popular on the WB. And that tv show that was a spoof of 90210 (also on the WB). MANNNN...the WB axed alot fo shows wtf.

So in other news...my friend Anj who lives in TO got engaged...wooo hoooo!

And...in more news...i won't name names but someone very dear to me is going through a relationship crisis of sorts...there are very few people I would kill for but he's one of them, and it breaks my heart to know that he's in pain right now...and that there's nothing i can do about it (especially living in another country!)

In more important news, I got my dress for Ryan's wedding...White House/Black Market...strapless...exactly what iw anted (uhhh for $100 more than i wanted to spend...time to put my old crap on ebay to pay it off)...it's perfect for future uses. Like...when I have to go to a funeral, i can add a big red wide-brimmed hat with big black sunglasses and I'll be appropriately scandalous. Everyone needs a multi-functional dress like that!

Going to see my boy Henry tomorrow...(insert gay snap of fingers) mmm--hmmm!

End of babbling for today, not much to say...as usual, I lead a boring, boring life. OH the big highlight: Carrie's putting her boot up my ass to pick out kitchen paint colors. Exxccceelllannntt......

Going to Brazil

I know, I know, a lifetime since I've written. What can I say.

So last Wednesday I was at a conference in Palm Springs, and I had over an hour to kill around lunch...So i'm driving around, and I pass the most GHETTO shopping area.

I mean, GHETTT----OHHHHH...

And there was a sign that said "SPA" (which i think it said...there may have been a typo)...So just for kicks, I decided I needed to get a bikini wax.

Let me tell you something...There's two occasions I don't like going American.
One is with cars...
The other is with bikini waxing. 'Cause in posh salons where it's a white chick doing her thing, she doesn't get right in there. There's no PRIDE in her work. I want an immigrant with a set of tweezers to do crazy quality control and make sure that my gonad area is completely well done!

Anyway so I go into the room which I'm sure i got some crazy STD from walking into and she's like "bikini or brazillian?"...
Me: "you do brazillians?"
Her: "yes"
Me: "Sure...why not"...

Umm...riiigghtt...

First off, I won't even start telling all the sanitation laws that i KNOW they broke with the wax.

So she does the sides...and I"m thinking "that's it?"...oh hell no.

Excuse the detail...but if you divide your gonad region into 3 (your sides and then the top area being the pubic bone area)...

MOTHER EFFER...that top area is the most sensitive area EVER.
EVER
EVER

And she waxed most of that mofo section off.

Take teh pain of a regular bikini wax....add the pain of lighting yourself on fire...add the pain of stabbing your eyes with a fork...and that's a cakewalk compared to a brazillian.

Oh and I missed the best part....I had to lie on my back with my knees almost pressed into my chest (think fetal)...where she finished the REST of the waxing down there...that's as close as I ever want wax to be near my uhhh anal regions...

Yeah.
Nasty.
And painful.

In the end was it worth it?

OH
HELL
NO

Bikini waxes are worth the pain. Never, EVER, EVERRR get a brazillian. Get your best girlfriend to bitch-slap you silly next time you consider it.

it's been a week since I had it done and I still want to die as a result of it. Some areas were just meant to have the wonderful protective coating of HAIR!

Insomniac Theater

Can't sleep. It's 5:03am.

I found this online and in my sleepy daze I found myself holding my breath while reading it...i don't know if it's a diary entry or lyrics to a song and I'm too lazy to verify...

It's that feeling, that golden feeling. It's the wind at my back, the sun over my head, and the smell of spring. It's the touch of that girl you just know you can't be without. It's the feel of her skin grazing yours hours after curfew. It's the lifting of every care from your chest, the knowledge that no matter what happens she'll be there with you. It's a stolen kiss and the moment you realize that you miss her already and you've only just said goodbye. It's the careful choosing of what to wear when you know it's likely you'll see her later that same day, the meticulous selection of the right aftershave, the warm surge of anticipation that you get every time you remember that she's yours. It's her hand in yours, your arms wrapped securely around her waist, your body entangled with hers. It's love, and when it's in the air it's presence is so strong that if you screw your eyes up just right you can actually see it working in our hearts and changing the world. It's love, and it's all that matters.

Stuffonmycat.com

Some things just don't even need words they're so funny:

Patience Iago, patience

From The Phoenix
My comments are in bold, the rest are from the article.

100.
Brad Pitt:
He may look good, but if the rumors about his hygiene and BO issues are true,then he's probably not worth it.
I miss Brad circa his Se7en years

99.
Kevin Federline:
Mooching hicks aren't so hot these days.

98.
Emeril Lagasse
Awww, poor Emeril!

97.
Dom DeLuise

96.
Horatio Sanz:
Laughing at your own jokes is not sexy
I disagree! Right now he's one of the funniest guys on SNL now that Jimmy Fallon is gone.

95.
Dennis Kucinich:
Something about those progressives.

94.
Ralph Nader

93.
Ric Flair:
To be the man – WOO! – you got to . . . do something about those man boobs!

92.
Bill Parcells:
Especially when you see the photos of him in shorts at training camp

91.
Jose Canseco:
"Every time I have tried to help a woman, I've been incarcerated," he famouslysaid on The Surreal Life. You old charmer, you.
Yeah he's got a great body..but...kind of a male butterface.

91.
Hideki Matsui

90.
Lemmy Kilmister:
Sadly, the ravages of time have not been kind to him.

89.
Don Vito:
I suppose we were never really supposed to know what Bam Margera's uncle looks like, but since we do, he has to be included.

88.
John Clayton:
How is this ESPN's top football guy?

87.
Jimmy Johnson:
It's the hair
I swear I don't know who half these guys are on this list

86.
Jeff Van Gundy

85.
Richie "La Bamba" Rosenberg

84.
Dick Vitale
– Call it a hunch, but we have a feeling that sex with Dickie V. would be anything but "awesome, baby."

83.
Barry Bonds
– If what his mistress told the authors of Game of Shadows is true, then no, you don't want any part of that

82.
Howie Mandel
Awww...well it's kinda true. I miss him doing his standup days in the early 90's.

81.
Brian Posehn

80.
Art Garfunkel

79.
Tom from Myspace:
What, you gotta be everyone's friend? Isn't that a little needy? Not hot at all.
I have no opinion on his looks, but it's annoying that he's your friend.

78.
Joe Walsh

77.
Meat Loaf Aday

76.
Garry Shandling

75.
Joey Buttafuoco

74.
DJ Qualls:
What's he weigh, like, 70 pounds? How much of that is grease?

73.
Harvey Pekar

72.
Grady Little:
Come on, we live in Boston, you knew it was coming.

71.
George Steinbrenner:
Come on, we live in Boston, you knew it was coming.

70.
Kevin James:
His TV marriage to Leah Remini on King of Queens is less believable than anything on Lost.
Kevin James is NOT that bad. Not a great body, but he's got that "my friend's boyfriend is kinda cute in a weird way" kind of thing going on. I mean, he's not hot...but i think he's better looking than the other 99 dudes on this list. Well minus Brad.

69.
Joe Gannascolli

68.
John Ashcroft

67.
Robert Patrick:
Seriously, try lying in bed next to him without thinking about the T-1000

66.
Robert Englund:
Seriously, try lying in bed next to him without thinking about Freddy Krueger

65.
John Madden:
Those massive hands seem more frightening than anything. Boom!

64.
Dennis Miller

63.
John Popper

62.
Bill Maher:
. . . Especially ones with poodle hair.

61.
Jim Gaffigan:
Pasty, goofy-looking comedians abound on this list.

60.
Joe Lieberman

59.
Clay Aiken:
This feels like a cheap shot, but even leaving aside the rumors about his personal life, he still looks like someone's bratty little brother.
Awww sorry Katelyn :P

58.
Bill O'Reilly

57.
Ed O'Neil:
We love ya, Ed, but sorry.
There was a reason you never waited on any really hot girls at that shoe store

56.
Rob Schneider

55.
Newt Gingrich

54.
Drew Carey
UGH i can't STAND this guy!

53.
Peter Jackson

52.
Danny DeVito
Why is Danny not #1?!!??!?

51.
Bill Wyman

50.
Ric Ocasek:
Yes, we know who his wife is. And no, we don't care.

49.
Lyle Lovett

48.
Scott Stapp

47.
Andy Dick:
It's a trap!

46.
Leif Garrett

45.
Nick Nolte:
Busey's oddball partner in crime, but at least he had a career once.

44.
Garey Busey:
Those teeth would give anyone nightmares.

43.
David Gest

42.
Rush Limbaugh:
No doubt he will claim his placement on this list as a result of a media bias and not the fact that he's just butt-ugly

41.
Paris Latsis:
Maybe not the worst-looking guy in the world, but, well, think about who was there first.

40.
Al Franken:
Too arrogant

39.
Michael Moore

38.
Larry David

37.
Scottie Pippen

36.
Pat Cummings

35.
Willie McGee

34.
Christopher Lloyd

33.
Julian Tavarez

32.
Otis Nixon

31.
Chris Kattan
Awwww Chris doesn't deserve to be #31...maybe 99...but not 31. Mango turns everyone on!

30.
Tony Kornheiser:
Yes, calling sportswriters unattractive is like shooting fish in a barrel. But
come on, he looks like your uncle.

29.
Don Zimmer:
The gerbil's got a massive, ivory-white noggin' that never did much thinking to
begin with. Ask any Red Sox fan over 35.

28.
Gerard Way (from My Chemical Romance):
Luckiest dude since Ringo. Or at the very least, since D12.

27.
Edward James Olmos:
Remember season one of South Park? When Kenny was a zombie, everyone assumed it
was an Edward James Olmos costume. Wonder why.

26.
Tim Burton:
He's got the Robert Smith hair coupled with a mighty hunch. Yet he's dating
Helena Bonham Carter.

25.
Axl Rose:
I mean . . . did you see the 2003 VMAs?

24.
Paul Shaffer:
The bic'd look does not work for everyone, plus he makes all those crazy faces
while he plays.

23.
Bill Gates:
To quote Dana Carvey: "Gates apparently made a deal with the devil – 'You can
have $60 billion, but you have to go through life looking like a turtle.'"

22.
Clint Howard:
Ron's younger, balder, and weirder-looking brother. Yes, weirder looking than
Ron Howard.

21.
Ron Howard:
He was cute as Opie, passable as Richie, but now as Ron Howard, he's just plain
weird-looking. Especially with a beard.

20.
Raffi:
Maybe it's his proffession. But no one surveyed, man or woman, could think of
any situation in which they would bed down with him.

19.
Chevy Chase:
He got unfunny with age. Then he got ugly.

18.
Malcolm Gladwell:
The Tipping Point.

17.
Jerry Seinfeld:
This is for everyone who has ever yelled at the TV when Jerry brought home
another model on Seinfeld.

16.
Carrot Top:
Sheer obnoxiousness necessitates his placement on this list.

15.
Jon Lovitz:
Bald, annoying, unfunny, and hair in the all the wrong places. For all we know,
he was running through the cast of League of Their Own. But we doubt it.

14.
Richard Simmons:
Words don't do it justice.
Shudder....

13.
Mike D. of the Beastie Boys:
We hate to do this. But the sickly looking Beastie "did it like this, did it
like that, did it with a wiffle ball bat . . . because no one would want to get
within three feet of him naked.

12.
Wallace Shawn:
Even if you're attracted to his rounded dome, how can anyone get past that
nasally lisp?

11.
Michael Jackson:
What happens when an ugly JC Penny manequin has sex with Pogo, the clown
identity of serial killer John Wayne Gacy.
This list just gets more and more horrifying...

10.
Don Imus:
"It would be like having sex with an old leather bag, but not in a good way,"
was what the same staffer remarked about the bag of skin and bones.

9.
Jay Leno:
"It would be like having sex with a banana, but not in a good way," was what one
of our staffers remarked about the fruit-headed comic.

8.
Osama Bin Laden:
Power is sexy (notice how Dick Cheney isn't on the list). But a 6'5",
no-vertical-leap mass murdering douche bag is not getting any style points.

7.
Mike Mills:
You'd want to talk music with the bassist from REM. Sleep with? Not unless
you're trying to get to Pete Buck.

6.
Chad Kroeger:
It's not just the massive head, weird face, and bad hair. It's also the fact
that he's in Nickelback, the worst band since the dawn of music.

5.
Alan Colmes:
Not really fair, since he's got to sit next to brown shirt-stud Hannity each
night. But Colmes - lazy eye, unkept hair, droopy features - has a face made for
radio. Pirate radio. Garr!!

4.
Dr. Phil:
Being a know-it-all is never sexy. Being a know-it-all who is also a bald-headed prick is downright horrid.

3.
Roger Ebert:
Yes, he lost all that weight. Yes, you still wouldn't fuck him.

2.
Randy Johnson:
If he couldn't throw a ball 100 miles per hour, Johnson would be wearing a wife
beater and getting hauled into a squad car on Cops. Could you imagine the nights
when he pitched to Otis Nixon?

Are you ready?.....

1.
Gilbert Gottfried:
Rumor has it that Gilbert is the heir apparent to Uncle Milty when it comes to
what he's packing, but that still can't save him. The parrot-voiced,
pickled-face comic is to sexy what Kryptonite is to Superman.
Gilbert may be nasty, but that Aflac duck is one mighty mighty fine piece of poultry.

Because i'm lazy...

Because I'm a lazy mofo, I bought this:
Scrubbing Bubbles Shower Cleaner

Heh heh I'll let you know how it works! Stay tuned...

Letter to the Editor

My company did some sort of study to find out if there was a salary discrepency between men and women in the same job and there wasn't one. Oddly enough, a few women left the company shortly after the results were released. Makes you wonder. Luckily, women get a good percentage of their salary while away on maternity leave.

Uh maybe in Canada....I know chicks get a year off of vacay. Not here in the US...the Family Medical Leave act says you get *gasp* all of 12 weeks off UNPAID...but you get to keep your job. Basically you have to have foresight that you're going to get pregnant and save up a ton of your vacation time.

HEIDI HO!!!!

37. Women’s public bathrooms are about three times more disgusting than men’s.
-Um not always, The ones in gas stations are pretty nasty on the guys side

Marlene, I'm horribly disturbed that you know what that looks like in there :)

Weekend.
Sunny.
Time change.
Sometimes, life ist goot.

Maxim 100: Things you need to know about chicks

From Maxim's 100 Everything You Need To Know About Women

Listen up guys! Here are the ones that I've gotta note...
99. Most women will not have sex for the first time with a guy unless their legs are shaved. If your date shows up and you spot stubble, she’s trying to keep herself in line.

HA! Exactly! And people make fun of me 'cause on my first date with kraig i didn't shave my legs and I wore granny underwear! EXACTLY!!!!

96. Jewelry. Now you always know what to get her for a last-minute gift.

There's no "set gift" to give your boyfriend if you need a last minute idea, but chicks are SO easy when it comse to that.

95. The sight of you in your socks and underwear is the biggest turnoff in the world.

I mean, it doesn't make us not LIKE you...it just makse it harder for us to want to molest you.

94. Never trust a girl who has no girlfriends. She doesn’t get along with other women because she’s either bat-shit crazy or just plain mean.

Heh heh i can think of one chick in particular who is DEFINITELY nutty. I agree.
90. Just started dating? Women want you to drive, even if it’s their car.

Hell yeah! I woudln't want a random dude driving my car but when I moved to California for some reason I ended up driving all those shmucks...wtf. Why don't you leave your testicles at home too?
89. A girl would prefer to get a $100 gift from Tiffany & Co. than a $500 gift from Fortunoff. Why? Because her friends will ask where she got it.
Yep! True dat.

87. Your female coworkers are obsessed with the fact that on average they receive less pay than male counterparts—and the fact that they work less overtime and get pregnant is irrelevant to the discussion.

I'm going to punch someone. "Get pregnant"?! First off, time off for pregnancies is unpaid, so that's worth nothing. And why is it fair that becuase your stupid gender can't get pregnant that I have to get paid less? SOMEONE'S gotta obviously have babies to keep up the species...but oh, because we're in charge of keeping mankind alive, we should get paid less?

AND...to top it off...not everyone has kids. So because I've got a uterus and POTENTIALLY might get pregnant, I should suck it up?
(actually...i'm not complaining...in my line of work i've never gotten paid less than a dude with comparable skills...i'm just speaking for other chicks out there)

81. The threesome is not about you; it’s about the two girls. If you’re lucky enough to score one with your girlfriend, enjoy sex with the other one because there’s a good chance it’ll end the relationship.
Ha ha ha ha....

79. Never trust the woman who gives you the best blow job you’ve ever had.

I've never heard of that at all. Why is that? Is this common knowledge to guys?

77. The average woman kisses 79 men before getting married.

Hmmmm ...that's a tough one to figure out. There's the Monogamy Years (i.e. 3-4 years kissing the dude), then you've got the Single Phase (kissing a few guys a night)...it seems like 50 might be a better number. No wait....35. Yeah. 35-50. That includes kissing your guy friend or that kid in 3rd grade (uh when YOU were in 3rd grade too sicko!)

74. “Girls who buy their men lap dances and pretend to enjoy it are kidding themselves. They’re trying to keep him happy with some controlled freedom.”—Suzy, 31

I don't know about that...I mean, only once has my husband had a lap dance and I wans't around to see it (i was getting my own lol)...but i don't think i would have cared...however if that happened all the time, yeah i would definitely start to harbor resentment that i was doing that for him.

73. Over the course of her life, a woman will use 10 men for every one she loves. If you lent her your car or helped her move and didn't get laid, you're one of the 10.

Hmmm, I can say I've been in love 3.5 times (the 0.5 is a grey area, not 100% sure how i felt at the time if it was legit or not)...so 35 dudes been used...I don't know if the two are related. I mean, the other day Ryan helped me with my car. That's just a friend helping a friend. I wasn't "using" him, it was done out of friendship (obviously!), why does one have to do with the other?

72. During emergencies, women are likely to remain calmer than men. Though it should be noted that inventing minor crises on a weekly basis gives them more practice.

Yeah, like training drills. I agree.

70. Unless they’re lesbians, she won’t approve of your hanging out with other girls. Even if they’re ugly. And, really, even if they’re lesbians.
YES
YES
YES!!!

64. An online dating service’s survey found that a woman’s ideal man has brown hair and blue eyes.
YES
YES
YES!

61. When a woman tells you her problems, she does not want you to offer solutions.

THIS IS SUCH CRAP! If i my problem is that my car needs to be fixed, trust me, I want a solution. If my problem is that I can't get to work the next day 'cause my car is in the shop, I want a solution. If I dropped a bottle of hair dye on the carpet, I want a solution. Point is, we don't usually tell guys all our problems 'cause we take care of our sh*t ourselves! (Or at least, i do. Minus having Ryan fix the light on my car, which really i had no problems with leaving as-is).

58. If they're going to do it, most wives cheat between the ages of 18 and 29.
Good. I'll tell Kraig that when i'm 50 and sleeping with the poolboy.

51. Don’t call her “cute.” In her mind it’s the same as “not vomit-inducing.” “Sexy,” OK. “Hot,” yes. “Fucking awesome,” only if she’s at least slightly buzzed.

EXACTLY. Didn't I blog about this already?

50. Women often buy shoes a size or two small because they’re in denial about the size of their feet—which they can’t stand.

Who wrote this crap? I'm a size 5 or 5.5....Idon't know any chick with a shoe size smaller than a 9.5 who would do this (and if you're bigger than 9, you do it out of necessity).

49. They dream of one day peeing in a urinal.
OMG you have no idea! I'm obsessed with the urinal concept. In fact, note to self: write blog about all the thigns that guys do that youw ish you could.

48. Women know where they stand looks-wise but worry about being considered cool, about which they’re unsure.

HA no fears there...I've been TOLD that I'm not the "coolest girl"...yeah thanks f*cker.

44. A psycho jealous girl will do anything to keep her man—including anal.
Egads, interesting perspective. Thank God i'm not a psycho jealous girl...if that was my way to keep a man, i'd be like "uhhh...I think we should start seeing other people. It's not you, it's me."

37. Women’s public bathrooms are about three times more disgusting than men’s.
Obviously. We have ONE more reason to go to the bathroom. There is nothing more sick than the sight of pee, poop, AND a bloody tampon in the toilet. That's why my general rule when i go to clubs: I empty my bladder at the start of the night (i.e. when women only use the bathroom to fix their makeup) and tough it out for the rest of the night till i get home!

33. The average woman owns eight bras and wears each one five times before washing. Shasta!

That is SUCH BS! First off, that's sick. Secondly, you should always wash your bras after 1 use 'cause the oils in your skin break down the bras (and you need that stuff to keep you uhhh uplifted!)

30. “Don’t caress our faces while we’re kissing, unless you really, really, really like us.”—Rachel, 21

True dat.

27. Gain her trust when you’re out by calling her at 10 P.M. She’ll go to bed content you’re thinking of her, even if you’re slurping Jell-O shots off some skank’s cleavage.
Hell yeah. Whatever you gotta do i guess.

25. At least one of her friends wants to sleep with you.

That means that every guy with a girlfriend/woman-friend has a friend that wants to sleep with you. Ummm...yeah i wouldn't hold this as gospel. that being said, does that mean that oneo f my friends wants to sleep with my husband? I don't know if that's flattering or if that makes me want to kill that bitch!

19. The more piercings she has, the more places she’ll let you put it.

DANG this is so unscientific, and yet, so true.

16. Chicks aren’t afraid to get kinky; you just have to have the nerve to ask.
And by "nerve to ask", they don't mean "accidentally put your penis in her ass".
11. She likes one of your friends.

Ha ha ha...d'oh.

Norm:7. Dated a stripper? Keep your mouth shut, stupid.

Actually Kraig dated a stripper and I was just more obsessed with finding out what fake boobs feel like (obviously you don't need to be a stripper to have fake boobs, but that was the only part of the history that i found interesting).

6. Rub a sheet of medium-grade sandpaper across your face. That’s your five o’clock shadow when you kiss her. Now rub that sandpaper on your inner thigh. (Mind you, we’re not suggesting you shave.)
YES
YES
YES
Mother effer I kiss himo nce without shaving and i'm broken out for months. I'm on effing medication even. It hurts like a BITCH when you guys don't shave.

5. Female serial killers tend to use poison rather than guns or knives.

Obviously. If you use the latter, you'll have to clean up the mess. And that's the last thing you want to worry about after you've just off'ed someone. "Swiffer - For Blood Stains!"

2. Buying a present for your girl? She’ll hate it (and you) if she finds out you took along another woman to help pick it out.

I disagree. It depends on the chick. If he took one of MY girlfriend's who's opinion is similar to mine, then I have no problems with that.

1. You'll probably never know how many guys she's slept with. The standard lie is five. Which really means about 12.

Do chicks really lie about this stuff? Is 12 really that bad of a number? (Mine's not 12, FYI, but i'm curious to know if it is).

Things i hate...

Note to self: do a bitchfest and get out of your system the list of things you hate.

I absolutely hate it when people ask me if I'm in a bad mood. If I'm not, simply asking that will put me in a bad mood. Someone today told me I was in a bad mood yesterady. I wasn't in a bad mood at all in fact. So now that's put me in a cranky mother effing mood today...

Dang...

What I would KILL to be in bed right now. Mother effer. I'm exhausted...all week....I worked out Sunday night and haven't gone to the gym since which is
a) stressing me out....working out is my outlet for aggression
b) bugging me 'cause i wanna keep using my new shoes!

I passed out at 8:30 last night, wtf. So if i talk to anyone...don't tell me what happened on Lost, ANTM...I did manage to watch Bold and the Beautiful, and they have this annoying kid with blond curly hair...a Shirley Temple-type. She irritates the bacon out of me. They're on an island right now...I hope a monsoon comes and wipes out that kid, she drives me nuts.

In other news, Kraig is OBSESSED with this domestic bunny that's been spotted in our complex...he wants to take it home. Yesterday he called me and asked me to come out and grab something from his car...I was terrified that it was the bunny ("Cocoa" as he's named it).

that's pretty much all I had to say today...my brain is eagerly anticipating Saturday morning...I plan on sleeping ALL morning and ALL day...mmm mmm good.

Letter to the Editor

Re: letters to the editor...

You gotta live a little... stop actin' sooooo grown up, and enjoy life while it happens. Cause yer gonna wake up at 40 and wonder where life went, and when yer gonna have some fun.

Who says that I don't have fun? I go out with friends all the time, I'm not sitting at home crunching numbers away...my thing is though, I'm not going to be stupid about it...I have a $500K house and if something happened to my husband, i'd be f*cked...especially because I want to have kids. So why is it considered like i'm not "living" because I want to make sure I've got things in place in case something happens to me or Kraig and we want to protect things we've spent our whole lives working towards? How crappy would that be, first my husband dies and now i gotta sell the house?

take some more trips. Spend some money frivously because the Norm is right. Your going to wake and not have been sponteous enough or traveled enough.

Uhhh first off, I've travelled plenty...i only have ONE more trip that I want to take and the only reason I can't take it is because I have no vacation time, not because I don't have the money (all my vacation time gets used up going to Ottawa or when my friends from Ottawa come to visit, and 1 week this year is going to be spent in Tahoe). Heck, i'm planning a trip to vegas today. And quite honestly, just because you guys like travelling alot doesn't mean everyone does. I find it exhausting and when I end up getting a good chunk of money the first thing I think of spending it on ISN'T a trip somewhere. As for spending money more frivolously...I do go on shoe shopping sprees, etc, but no offense I think that's pretty retarded advice to give to people ("spend money more frivolously") :P ...that works if you're debt-free but we're not BECAUSE of frivolous things.

Put it this way: I don't ENJOY blowing loads of cash. I enjoy OTHER people blowing cash, but just because somep eople like spending money, like going on trips, doesn't mean other people do. I'm not going around telling other people to SAVE their money...but I know for me, I get MUCH more satisfaction having money in the bank than I would from ANY shopping purchase. That's just me, so suck it. That's like if I went around telling people they should eat more chocolate and they'd be happier...uhhh not everyone likes chocolate, or not everyone likes it to excess, so wtf kind of advice is that to give as a blanket statement that because some people like to blow their money EVERYONE should?

IN ADDITION...regardless of whether I spend my money frivolously, we still have bills to pay...wtf, do you suggest I suddenly don't pay them? Forget the car payment...the timeshare payment...the credit card bills...you know what? Why don't I skip paying my property taxes too? There are still obligations to be met....I'm not going to skip out on the house insurance bill I got yesterday because i should "spend money frivolously"....(which ironically the reason I HAVE house insurance is because Kraig and I have alot of things we've splurged on that I would like to keep protected).

I have a coworker who's husband died when her son was 4. I don't want to have to struggle financially with a child because my husband was killed. I have a friend who got cancer and has been in and out of the hospital for the past 2 years, i don't want Kraig to be burdened and have to sell the house because I can't work. I don't want to be in the hosptial for 15 years like that Shiavo chick because Kraig and I differ on how to handle pulling the plug...i'd rather take care of that crap in advance. I don't want the courts to decide who gets my kid(s) if we both die, because I know that I would rather have one of my girlfriend's look after our kids, as stated in our Trust. I think most people out there live TOO frivolously because they don't have that crap taken care of...i have all of it under control AND i spend money if i really want something. Why is that bad?

Plus then you have to be sooooo careful with your retirement money can't spend to much or you'll have to go back out and work because you spent it all.

Uh yeah I wouldn't bank on it being problem with me SPENDING too much of my retirement (neither of us have pensions, and much like people I know who are over 65, I'll end up having to work anyway).

Sorry, it just really irks me...trust me, i have NO problems spending money if i want something. However I'm not going to be retarded about it...things like 401Ks, life insurance, disability insurance, home insurance, car insurance, bills...that sh*t needs to be paid and I'm not going to go into DEBT over that crap (maybe some of you can sleep easy with debt. I can't. I dont' like owing friends money, let alone a stranger). I have no problems buying fun things on occasion, going on trips...i certainly wish I had more money to do those things but security is much, MUCH more important to me and I'm not going to sacrifice security. I'd rather just find a way to make more money.

Norm: HA considering the first time you met me i got plastered drunk and partied all night I should hope you realize that i have no problems letting loose!

Let's put it in another perspective...telling people to let loose, spendm ore money...is basically assuming that spending money is the key to happiness. Don't get me wrong, my thoughts are money doesn't buy happiness, but NOT having money does bring unhappiness...I could go on a huge trip, spend tons of dough...and end up just as happy as say spending tons of time with my friends, going to the beach, hanging in, watching movies. I do NOT rely on money for happiness...I use it as a means of security, and a necessary tool if there are things I want to accomplish (and sometimes that accomplishment may mean adding a pinstripe blackskirt to my closet, which i have no problems with). I don't think the sheer act of spending money is a solution to anything, and i don't think spending money is the definition or a necessity for "living life".

Dammit I need Carrie and Nic D to start writing comments in my blog backing me up on this crap.....

Okay, end of THursday morning rant. You know what i'm going to tell people...

SUCK IT!
heh heh.


This random rant about money brought to you buy the letters I, H, M, J, and the number 0

Edited to add (tweaked to protect the innocent lol):
And it's NOT bad to want to protect the things you value. You and Kraig just went on a road trip to visit friends, for goodness sake. But knowing that doesn't make it any easier to fork over the dough for a home insurance bill! It's painful to drop that kinda of cash on something you know you need but that it's not necessarily "fun" to have!

Exactly.

You are ear delicious

Okay, there IS nothing wrong with a home renovation blog...when you've gutted the place...but when you blog about how you're thinking of maybe considering looking over the thought of painting your kitchen maybe a sage or a mushroomy kinda color...uh yeah no that's stab-yourself-with-a-fork boring.

So I got my home insurance renewal, along with my home warranty renewal, along with having to sign the life insurance paperwork.

Home insurance: $563....That gives me $70K in dwelling insurance (it's all the inside stuff, the structure is part of the hOA)...0 for other structures (since i don't have a poolhouse!)...$79,000 for personaly property (I should revisit that...)....$300K for liability (not fully sure what that is) and $2K for medical payments (oh great, a bandaid!)....

Good times...

I'm not renewing the home warranty...'cause...i already suckered a new water heater outo f them...and i'mtoo poor for the $300+ payment.

As for life insurance...going with term 'cause once again, i'm too poor for anything else. At least with life insurance, after we sign on....we'll now be able to drive as crazy and reckless on the streets as we want.

You know what? I wish when I was a kid and said how badly I wanted to be a grownup that my parents had sat me down for 6 hours and forced me to look at paperwork after paperwork after paperwork…sure would have made me relish my childhood a bit more...

I wish when i was a kid and i said how when i grew up, i was gonna do whatever I wanted and stay out as late as I wanted...someone had said "HA good luck finding the money to do whatever you want and even when you save up for it, you're too old to stay out past 11 without passing out anyway! Sucker!"....

Basically, I want a refund on my Adult Life. Let me shop around a bit more, get a better deal...this one wasn't quite what i was looking for, it seems to be a bit too much work and upkeep. I want to buy an Adult Life that's a little less maintenance, a little more automatic, possibly with a warranty on all parts, and a much longer shelf life.

quickie

Woo hoo, went to lunch with Katelyn today....first I got to see Meghan who i hadn't seen in 3 years, now Katelyn who I haven't seen in over a year...Heidi Ho! (She looked fantastic, mother effer I wish i could curl my hair like that)...

In other news: I hate blockbuster...go Netflix!

Freaky....

On Wednesday, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00 in the morning, the time and date will be:

01:02:03 04/05/06

That won't ever happen again.

Someone's got WAY too much time on their hands to notice that stuff!

Weekend wrap up

This is the funniest link I've gotten in awhile...go Kraig for sending it to me:
Ebay Sale of a guy's "box"

And now, picture links:
Disney's California Adventure

Stash pictures and a few from when it hailed

San Jose this past weekend

Unfortunately I didn't get to see everyone that I wanted to see, i was pretty much only there for a day (Sorry Marlene!), but I DID manage to see Meghan who I hadn't seen in years...speaking of, geezus Gilroy is like a mini-Orange County...

IM with my mom

If you're THAT bored...and this is me trying to be social...yeah, yeah, i'm a bad daughter, i know....

My_mom: hi bean, everything ok?
Me: yup
My_mom: good

My_mom: last week and this we got such nice weather, always sunny and for the rest of the week +13
My_mom: been busy spring cleaning
Me: nice

My_mom: trying to get everything out of the way so i'm free when its nice to sit outside
Me: okay

My_mom: shnoorly seems to be better, i think he hurt himself or something, he didnt want to jump on the bed and sleep close, he slept in the corner under my desk
Me: poor baby
My_mom: i know, and when i tried to pick him up he meowed
Me: take him to teh vet

My_mom: so i left him, today i lifted him on the bed and off again, so he doesnt have to make big jumps, but he is better i can see it
My_mom: its not bad enough for the vet, thats something he just have to bathe out himself
Me: poor baby

My_mom: a bit bruised or something, but we are watching him
My_mom: marma ok?
My_mom: and stashy pooh hehe
Me: The cats are fine.

My_mom: been thinking... remember u dont like to do anything with that space next to your house with that poor plant not doing well?
Me: that plant is doing fine

My_mom: oh, thought u said it didnt
My_mom: it looked poorly
Me: i don't know, it's still alive i guess

My_mom: anyway just an idea..... when u are ready for it maybe...
Me: it's been raining the past fwe days
My_mom: remove that plat, spray the earth with ant killer, cause u said there are ants cribbling around, top it with gravel or river stone, put a cement slab in the middle and put a big flower pot on it and plant something in it that likes shade
My_mom: plat <-- plant... hehe

Me: that seems like alot of unneccesary work for a plant no one sees
My_mom: i dont think so, when people sit on the patio, they can see
Me: i'm not too worried about it.

My_mom: or.... put gravel and cement blocks and store the waterhose u got there
Me: ok
My_mom: i know... just an idea when u feel like doing something with that space
Me: ok
My_mom: i really enjoyed sitting outside on that patio
Me: i'm glad

My_mom: anyway, i leave u alone, work is calling u, hug the cats for me, especially marma
My_mom: i really must say u and kraig tried your best to make me feel comfy ther, apart from that little temper of yours
My_mom: c u
Me: bye

Girls! Girls! Girls!

The above, to a girl, translates to:
SHOES! SHOES! SHOES!

I finally deposited the check from my dog walking days so I could splurge on new workout shoes. See, here's the thing. Around 2 years ago I splurged on these Reeboks that were specifically designed for people who use cardio machines because eventually your feet go numb. I was SO excited (no more cross trainers!)...ummm riiigghtt. The Reeboks were effing horrible and within 10 minutes my feet go numb. How can you screw up exercise shoes?!

Anyway I had bought them off amazon so I wasn't in the mood to pay for shipping to send them back but they're pretty much brand new but I still use my old Mizunos when working out.

Yesterday....I finally got new shoes. Asics Gel-Solution. They're like a dark pewter and dark turquoise accent.

I know, you're thinking "uhhh those are some nasty colors Sabina".

Bear with me.

They're edgy! They're high tech! I take my workouts seriously and these shoes are like.....running shoes on steroids. I love them. (Okay i have serious over pronation and probably should have gotten something with more support but you try finding shoes that fit my mutantly-small feet!) Plus i hate white running shoes.

Shoe nirvana to say the least. I got to use them last night...and although I have a stretched ligament in my left leg, i managed to get 12 minutes of jogging in which is ALOT more than i've been able to do in the past (I could have gone longer, but when that pain sets in...i have no desire to damage it more and only jog once every 3 years on the treadmill).

Let's see...in other news...I'm going to San Jose this weekend for a long overdue trip to see my friends (and try to see my mother in law while i'm at it...I've been blessed to have a super awesome MIL).

In tv land...

Lost last night was FANTASTIC. I mind, mind blowingly fantastic. Some people have so-so background stories, but Locke's story is pretty tragic and you can't go wrong with that bad hairline of his in the flashbacks.

Real World: after a few crappy seasons, this one is really shaping up finally. There hasn't been a decent season since Las Vegas. I'm digging the token hot guy, I love the token psycho girl (which one? Exactly!) and the token gay guy is a true snob. I love it.

8th & Ocean: now realistically I probably wouldn't watch this if it wasn't on after Real World. It's about a group of male models and female models who live in this apartment complex in Florida. So you'd think that maybe, just maybe, models actually have...you know, deep thoughts and stuff. Real World casts always think they're SOOOO wise and worldly, but at least they have something to say. 8th & Ocean...oh heck no. There is NO hamster running on the wheel in their head. The only characters worth watching are Brit (because she's uber religious in a world clearly lacking morals) and Sabrina (because she's 2nd to her twin sister, who's a total bitch).

Okay that's pretty much all I have to say for now...like I said, I lead a boring, boring life! Maybe next time I'll bore everyone to tears with how I want to paint the kitchen a mushroom-ish kind of color and rent a deep carpet cleaner from Home Depot.

good times.

Woo hoo!

Check me out having a controversial subject generating comments on my blog...I love it!

On another note, i'll write more later, I realize i've been incognito. I lead a boring life, what can I say?!

WTF!!

This ((bleep)) seriously pisses me off: Illegal Immigration

Yeah we'd hate to impose rules to make it harder for people to just come here illegally....but as an educated Canadian, I got the f*cking 3rd degree each time i applied for a work visa LEGALLY...and I paid a ton into medicare and unemployment but was never eligible for it (contrary to what people think, if you're on a visa and you lose your job, you DON'T get unemployemnt...you get booted back to your country)...but it's okay for other people to just WALK across, pop out babies, put them in schools taht I'm paying taxes for and theyr'e not, and they can work under the table...

I know life is hard in 3rd world countries, but that's not MY problem. And it's not yours either. there's a ton of people in THIS country that need help first. Why would you give free healthcare to people who are here illegally but not to actual US citizens?! Hell, Canada has "free" healthcare but damn you have to show all your healthcare stuff to prove you're Canadian (your leg could be spurting blood but if you don't have your OHIP card...forget it, you're hosed)...

I only care about my neighbors once the people in MY house are taken care of first. You shoudln't give a sh*t about people in other countries if the peoplei n your own country aren't being taken care of.

AND...sure it sucks...but what if a poor homeless person broke into your home? Would you help them out? I'd call the cops in a heartbeat, i don't care how much help they need. Especially if i have kids. You protect your own FIRST...and then help others.

It's not your responsibility to help the world...and you only help when your loved ones are taken care of first. That's my rule.

Suck it.

Express blog

Is there any better joy in life than seeing a pic of Jessica Alba where she looks...not so pretty?


That should make anyone's day!

Psycho Chicks demystified

Letter to the editor:
About complimenting a chix... I'll use radient only when they're single.
Attached girls need compliments too, probably more than single chicks! We fear we've let ourselves go and no one else would want us.

"... so it's not like when I get home i'm going to start doing shots by myself while I watch tv or something." Welcome to my world!!!... except replace "watch tv" with surf the internet
Ugh I have an intestinal track of steel, but drinking liquor at night, each night...forget it. Don't people just get...TIRED doing that? I get exhausted the day after a few drinks.

On another note....

I had somewhat of an epiphany...about us chicks and when we go mental. C'mon girls, we all do it. In my case, it starts off with the silent treatment, and by silent treatment I mean giving tons of small, snotty remarks...and then it full on escalates to everything but the kitchen sink...you know it's Psycho Girl behavior when the guy is like "umm...what? Where is this coming from? All i asked was where the scissors are!"...

All we chicks want in this case:
1. To know we are cared about (yeah bad English, suck it)
2. To know we're important in the dude's life
Those two things are key.

For #1:
It's not necessarily that we have to be LOVED. But we do need to know that there's emotion. Like, more than just a yeah you might feel a little sad if we get hit by a bus and DIE kind of emotion. More like a wow...my life wouldn't be as rosy if she weren't in it kind of emotion. Love is always good too, but it's not a requirement (depending where you are in the relationship).

It also falls in line with a chick's mantra, when we're upset, we want you to know WHY we're upset...and we want you to be concerned that we're upset.

Yes, we are somewhat high maintenance creatures. Too bad you can't bone your hamster.

As for #2:
Importance is key. When you dick us around with plans...when you're late...when you don't sell your effing mustang (cough cough)...when you don't call when you say you will...it makes us feel like we're not IMPORTANT.

If we truly, honestly, super duper felt like we were IMPORTANT in a dude's life, we wouldn't go half as psycho on the dude when he effs up. But if we feel like we're expendable...replaceable...unnoticeable...yeah, time to get all Psycho Chick when things go a little sour.

so what's my point?

When guys say "i'm sorry", usually that just doens't cut it...we still feel the need to rip them a new one.

BUT...if my husband were to say to me "I love you more than life itself, and it kills me so much to see you in pain over something I did. You are the most important person in my life. I'm so sorry"...well...I'm pretty sure the forgiveness factor would increase and Psycho CHick behavior would decrease.

Now if you're a dude reading ths, you're probably thinking Wtf. I shouldn't have to butter it up. She's lucky if she GETS an apology at all from me.. Well...true I guess. But the key is to reduce Psycho Chick behavior, and if that's what it takes, isn't it worth it?

Or for my more "suck it" chick answer: I shouldn't have to butter it up when i want a dude to say NOT leave plates everywhere, to take out the trash, to mop the floor. No one's buttering ME up when I gotta swiffer the floor, so no one's gonna butter you up either jackass. Don't tell me that unless I ask nicely, you won't take out the trash...you'll take out the trash because it has to get DONE, regardless.

So...I'll butter it up when I want the dishes done...and you butter it up when you're apologizing and stick to the Care/Importance format.

On an unrelated note, I've been watching the SATC reruns on tv late at night...some of them I haven't seen in ages...let us not forget, Big was NOT the one for her...she should have made it work with Aidan!

Unless...

Watching Mr. & Mrs. Smith right now...

Unless your name is Angelina Jolie, you're too ugly to be on this earth. If you're lucky however, she might adopt you.

Quickie blog

Holy crap it's unreal how much I'm in love with Ryan Reynolds

Sigh, why Alanis? I'm from Ottawa! I had a friend that went to her highschool! I even have her first CASSETTE autographed. Isn't that good enough?!

On another note, you f*ckers called "men" take note, this is how you compliment a chick:
...but thinking back I can't remember a time where you've had bad skin, you've always been radiant... Or I just didn't take notice. :)

Note the use of the word "radiant". A+ goes to any guy who can use that in a compliment.

Quick movie review: V for Vendetta
I admit, I really just wanted to see this movie 'cause Natalie Portman shaved her head for it, and I support any woman who effs up her looks in the name of art. It's a pretty good movie, very dark, the only complaint I had was that the dude with the mask wears it the ENTIRE movie and not seeing someone's lips move when there's dialogue is kind of annoying.

I give it a 4 out of 5 stars.

Letter to the editor:
So when you take them... n' you drink will it f' you up? That's a positive!!

Actually alcohol makes no diff, i suppose if i take them within an hour of taking the pill then it'll act like food and negate the effects of the medication, that's it. So it's not like say taking vicodin and drinking, sadly!

that being said, even if it DID eff me up, I don't think i drink enough to make a diff.

If you're a beer or wine drinker, you can drink that stuff at home no problem...I don't drink either, so it's not like when I get home i'm going to start doing shots by myself while I watch tv or something....

Letter to the Editor

I wouldn't complain too much Sabina, you've got an Aeron chair, I swear people drool over mine at work. And I've had a few friends try and talk me out of my Aeron chair in my home office.

You can HAVE my effing Aeon chair. It's actually jacked up my back. They have different sizes....well clearly i've got the "man size" chair, i feel like a little kid. The lumbar thing is all jacked up, and no setting doesn't cause extreme pain. I'd rather have my $19.99 chair that I've got at home here at work. All of the chicks in my department complain about them...maybe women's backs are differento r something.

All I know is that I've actually NEEDED massages and pressure point stuff done to me since I've sat in that chair for over 2 years...

Speaking of complaining...

Adam Corolla's morning show has a section where people call in and see if they can stump Adam on his complaining. Like someone called in and said: "galvanized tubing" and for a minute Adam went on a random complaint rant about galvanized tubing...
I swear, i could SOOO have a complaint-off with Adam Corolla....there isn't anything I won't complain about!

Except maybe Tetracycline...my beautiful, beautiful tetracycline that has cleared up my jacked up skin (which I think I blame on my husband...all it takes is ONE kiss from a guy who didn't shave and my skin just gets effed to hell).

That's a whole OTHER rant and gripe...guys not shaving...wtf. And that's NOT the same as when we dont' shave our legs...'cause unless you break out on your hands when you touch my unshaved legs, you can suck it...it actually causes physical PAIN to kiss a dude who hasn't shaved, let alone the breakout factor. I don't think any guy has ever had to take effing medication because his girlfriend didn't shave her legs, and here I am effing up my entire bloodstream just because kissing a man who's too lazy to shave sometimes makes my skin look like the Krusty Burger kid from the Simpson's....

Product Review: tetracycline

Sabina's review of her prescription: Tetracycline

Overview
So here's the deal.

My skin's been really jacked up the past few months. I mean, to the point of SCARRING. It's really upsetting. I'm going to be 29 for God's sakes, if I'm old enough to pay property taxes I should be old enough to not be dealing with this crap. The saving grace was when I got a bladder infection...the medication for that cleared up my skin like crazy (yay urinary tract infections!)

That being said, woman cannot survive on bladder infections alone for great skin.

So I went to the dermatologist finally, and he told me basically my two options for the rest of my life were to take something orally or topically (which sounds really perverse now that I'm typing that...). Since I'm all for blasting the hell out of my skin via every cell, I opted for the pills.

Yeah you heard me. REST OF MY LIFE. He said his wife has been taking it for 15 years and the instant she stops, she breaks out. Ahh well, the price you pay for beauty.

The Cons

The Cons pretty much lie in the strict rules surrounding it...
let's see:
1. Can't eat for 2 hours before...
2. Cant' eat for 1 hour after
3. Can't lie down for 30 minutes after taking it
4. Can't have anything with calcium/dairy/vit. supplements 2 hours before and after
5. Gotta take it 2x a day

Now all of the above wouldn't be so bad if it didn't make me ridiculously nauseous....can't lie down to feel better...can't ease the queasy stomach with food...these pills are crazy potent and it's taken serious willpower to not stop my car on the way to work, with my empty stomach, to not hurl up a lung.

The Pros

So after bitching about the nausea and all that, you'd think it wouldn't be worth it right?

Oh HELL no. This stuff is killing my intestinal track but DAMN my skin looks a trillion times better! I still get a few breakouts, but seriously I'm sooooo happy with my skin, you have no idea. Now i'm just applying scar cream like a mofo all over the old areas and hopefully I'll be good to go.

Survey Says:
Two very enthusiastic thumbs up. Fine holiday faire!

Side note: Not that any dude who would be bored enough to read this would want to know this TMI, but the ONE problem with medications like tetracycline, cipro, etc...they kill the good AND bad bacteria...which means that chicks are way more prone to yeast infections...ummm..yeah. That sucks. But did I mention that my skin looks SO MUCH BETTER?! Highly recommended if your skin is jacked up.

Yeah...I know...

Yeah, I know. Haven't written much lately. Haven't been inspired.

A few random thoughts (as per...the title of this blog):

1. I'm starting to think that blogs are one notch down from MySpace...this whole "me me me" crap. Although to my defense, the only reason I've got a blog is 'cause people told me that I needed one, and I couldn't give a crap if people read it or not...I think I need a mental outlet for the ((bleep)) that goes through my mind.

2. Apparently blogs have become the new virtual forum to throw tomatoes at whoever's on stage...

3. America's Next Top Model is so brilliant, it's mind blowing. I've watched it from day 1 and it never gets old. The beauty of it (ha bad pun) is that it's all relative....
Relative to Dateline NBC, it's like mashed potatoes.
Relative to the Flavor of Love, it's rocket science.
I think it's safe to say that everyone loves Nnenna....

4. Recently I've been starting to form a love/hate relationship with Stash (the kitten that grew into a dairy cow of a cat)...but he's officially proven that he can earn his keep: he's brilliant at catching flying bugs. Which is great, since I'm pretty bug-a-phobic.

5. On a daily basis, I drive the ((bleep)) out of my coworkers by singing the Oscar Meyer weiner song, which is bizarre since I've never had an Oscar Meyer anything in my whole life.

Yeah...men frickin' SUCK

Male drivers waste more time

Yeahhhh boyyy! Sometimes, I just think men are effing useless. ALL of them.

Speaking of useless, American Idol is on right now...every now and then, I try to give it a chance...and then I hear that crappy ass singing...and I'm reminded WHY these people don't already have recording contracts. And I can't figure out who's more annoying...Ryan or Paula or Randy...Simon's the only one who looks just as unethused as I feel when I watch that show.

Don't have a blog man

Simpsons Intro, re-done

Pure brilliance!!

Gasp whatever will I watch on Mondays without Dr. 90210?!

Since I had nothing to do all weekend but park my ass in front of the tv, I ended up watching a TON of Food Network (plus...Armeggedon for the trillionth time...and Dogma, which I realized, i had never seen the end of)...

They had this one show that showed the "behind the scenes" of Food Network. It was actually super interesting.

Like obviously we all know that a given cooking show has a ton of people prepping the foods and all that, but the space used for the Food Network is astronimical. It seems like the chefs barely do anything.

That being said, take 30 Minute Meals...a few things to note:
1. Rachel Ray said she always gets asked if that's her house, and it's not (because the seasons never change outside)...which is funny, because I asked that when I saw her.
2. The oven is retro, but the fridge is brand new...they just created a custom retro-looking shell for it
3. She has a HUGE room of "pretty" servingware
4. Since they can't show labels, they make their own. That's key, 'cause it always bugged me that they had those bizarre labels on her products...turns out, one dude makes fake labels but they're super funny the hidden messages he's got on them...
5. There's a chick who cleans up at the "break"...yeah garbage bowl my ass, no wonder it looks clean...

6. What's fascinating is the choreography...i really didn't realize how much of it had to be orchestrated. Like "step here, step here, go here, get this from the fridge, come back here"...that blew me away, 'cause she films 4 episodes/day so that's alot to remember.

I used to wonder with Everyday Italian what the deal was with Giada's kitchen...it's too "homely" to be a set but it changes each season. Well turns out, i was kinda right...for 2 months straight they rent and supe up homes in Hollywood...the garage gets converted to a prep area...

The other thing I used to wonder was wtf was up with the filming, like there's always this haze...turns out, they use movie film instead of video film, which uses less frames per second.

And lastly...yes, those are her friends they show on TV.

What they didn't answer: I'm pretty sure Giada's had a boob job. I take her boobs seriously. In early seasons she was pretty flat...i mean, come ON...she's like 90lbs with boobage on her tiny frame...

So now you know!

Just guess...

Go ahead...

try it...

Guess who's car is once again at the shop....

Oh oh I know! I know! MINE!!!

So I had my car for all of a few brief moments on Sunday...and that was it. Not having a car effing BLOWS!!!

There and Back

Thanks to Nicole, I forced myself to watch the There & Back marathon (uh since I had no car and didn't feel compelled to do anything other than sit on the couch and eat crap all day...my "To Dos" for this weekend all required a CAR!!)

I always wondered what the deal was with that show but I never clued in as to who Ashley was....hell yeah, we're talkin' Ashley from O-Town! I loved Making The Band season 1!!! And I dug Ashley...so naturally I had to watch the marathon (well it was either that...or...some Cheech and Chong movie on Comedy Central. Seriously, there's NOTHING to do when you have no car!)....

In the episode where Ashley did some construction work (how bad does that suck, finding out that you're building the living room for a chick who used to listen to O-town...and that's not intentional), i was like "wow, now THAT'S a man who provides for his family"....and then I thought, "Can I do construction so that I can get myself a new frickin' car?!?!?!"...

Here's the thing. I don't "do" the huge long loans, I paid my car off in one year and if I get another car sometime soon, that would be my plan as well.

I'm telling you...if I had a half-decent body I'd spend a few amateur nights down at the strip club and work my way to getting a car paid in cash...damn you mother nature for not endowing me with nothing more than cellulite and a gut!

Okay well this whole post was useless, but the entire day was useless...other than fortunately the car costs are under $1000, which is always a refreshing change for my Once A Year Car Issue...

Another edition of....

Time to play another edition of, Where Does Sabina's Money Go?

Here's your first hint...I use it every day...
And the big clue: every year between Jan and March I spend money on it...

You guessed it! My ghetto-mobile of a car. Two days ago I heard a "clinging" noise in my car, but I thought it was something inside in the backseat or something.

Then at lunch yesterday the folks I was driving pointed out that it was coming from the brake area...

And then today, I couldn't start my car, ironically, when I was trying to take it in to fix the clanging noise.

From what Kraig could barely see, the belt around the alternator broke, which is what caused the battery to die (thank GOD...i replaced that mofo fairly recently)...but now he's worried the belt tied around the brake area, and why didn't i do something sooner blah blah (how much sooner can you get? Geezus).

So after much hoopla getting my car TOWED, because we had issues trying to jump it...it's in the shop, and in an hour I'll know just how broke I'm going to be.

Mother effer. Plus, I have no car for the day and I had a ton of stuff to do. MOTHER. EFFER.

We tried to figure out a way to afford another car payment...um yeah that's not happening (I refuse to do a 7 year loan that maybe yeah will only cost me $200 a month, but then if the car craps out like mine is now i'll end up owing more after the car is dead anyway).

MOTHER
EFFER

WHYYYY hasn't anyone invented teleportation yet?!?!

side note
Bryan: yeah i've done Pilates a ton, but that's not gonna help me with my splits endeavor.

Sleepy blog

Well I got a TON of these from MySpace so I figured I'd just post it here, 'cause you know...it's all about ME!!

A) Four jobs you have had in your life:

1. Ugh, McDonald's on 10th line, Orleans (Canada)
2. Le Chateau, Place D'Orleans...Orleans (Canada)
3. "SPecial Projects Assistant" (or something like that), Government Telecommunications & Informatics Services...Quebec (Canada)...basically programming their database in Access and surfing Ebay.
4. Product Developer, INSI Integrated Systems Inc, Ottawa (Canada)...my last programming job ever!

B) Four movies you would watch over and over:

1. Clueless
2. Running Man
3. Wedding Singer
4. Okay i don't have this on DVD, but every time The Sweetest Thing is on Comedy Network, i get sucked in and watch it, i really like it.


C) Four places you have lived:
Oh gee, just four?!
1. Orleans, Ontario, Canada
2. Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
3. Santa Clara, California, USA
4. Irvine, California, USA


D) Four TV shows you love to watch:
JUST four?!?!
1. The OC
2. The Office
3. Desperate Housewives
4. America's Next Top Model
4.1 Real World
4.2 Surreal Life
4.3 Celebrity Fit Club
4.4 Lost
4.5 My Name Is Earl
4.6 ER
4.7 Dr. 90210
4.8 Laguna Beach
4.9 Anything on Food Network


E) Four places you have been on vacation:

1. Waikiki
2. Cuba
3. Montreal (does a vacay count as just a weekend getaway?)
4. Florida

F) Four websites I visit daily:

1. Animal Rescue Site (gotta click those links!)
2. Blogger.com
3. On No They Didn't (celebrity gossip)
4. Eonline


G) Four of my favorite foods:

1. Poutine...omg...craving soo soooooooooooo bad (Johnny Pizza Poutine by Ottawa U, whcih i believe actually closed down...so sad!)
2. PIzza, or for flash...calzones
3. Ultimate comfort food that ihaven't had in decades: steak, mashed potatoes, and "green stuff" which i think was brocolli and cauliflower blended together
4. My grandmother's indian meatballs


H) Four places I would rather be right now:

1. ha at home, 10 years ago, taking my savings and buying a stock that's worth a ton right now
2. in bed, sleeping
3. on the couch, sleeping
4. getting ready to go to sleep

My blog's got paneled walls

So thanks to Carrie's depressing link to Fortune magazine (Cubicles: The great mistake), I've been thinking about cube life more than normal.


The author in her native environment

I pretty much feel that cubes are a slap in the face of your employees. Ha ha, in order to have a roof over your head, ironically, we can slave-drive you in a box without a roof over your head.. You know the expression of a hundred monkeys typing away on a hundred typewriters...that's how I feel each day sitting in a cube.

Disclaimer: I love my job, I'm grateful I have a job, blah blah. This isn't job-centric. This is WORK-centric. No matter who my employer is, I still feel this way. /job security blurb.

I guess it could be worse. I briefly worked for a consulting company and was on location at Nortel...now as fantastic as Nortel was to work (every non-payday Friday was "TGIF" where they brought in ice cream, food, drinks....every Friday was fantastic!), they put their consultants in one of those "open concept" type of things. I guess it's good for productivity...you can't exactly surf the web easily...but that also meant if the jackass next to you was talking with another dude aobut something on his screen, you might as well have been involved in the conversation. Heck, we used to talk so much that it got to the point that we were notorious chatters...call me crazy, but if you put say a group of people at a wedding at the same dinner table...even without initially knowing each other....in the end, they WILL end up talking. You want to get people to shut up and work? Help them not SEE each other.

So yeah, it could be worse.

And I've only ever shared a cube once, which worked out well because it was with someone with just as little job ethics as I had (name withheld to protect the innocent...the STARR witness....)...

But in the end, unless you've got a DOOR...cubes just effing suck. The same job where I had to share a cube, the managers didn't even get offices...but ohhhh, to show seniority...they got little sliding doors. WTF. Who actually thinks "well the peons get cubes...the managers will get cubes and plexiglass doors...yes that'll show them who's got rank"....

I used to want to hang a shower curtain as a door....

Lemme tell you about HALF cube walls. First off, you can't hang JACK on the walls...everything gets knocked over because it's all at desk-level. And people ALWAYS hang over the side of the walls to chat, which not only makes things fall even more, but also makes it hard to get anything done. Don't get me wrong, i LOVE chatting with people, and I'm just as guilty...i'm blaming the cube walls, not the people. Heck, you can't even have a decent shelving system with half cube walls because the shelf ends up just sitting on your desk.

I pretty much think that the idiots who decide cube strategies all have OFFICES and know nothing about how people in cubes work.

You know who knows cube life? The guy who invented monitor mirrors. THAT DUDE deserves a nobel prize.

Another critical factor in the cubicle's rapid ascent was Uncle Sam. During the 1960s, to stimulate business spending, the Treasury created new rules for depreciating assets. The changes specified clearer ranges for depreciation and established a shorter life for furniture and equipment, vs. longer ranges assigned to buildings or leasehold improvements. (Today companies can depreciate office furniture in seven years, whereas permanent structures--that is, offices with walls--are assigned a 39.5-year rate.)
The upshot: A company could recover its costs quicker if it purchased cubes. When clients told Herman Miller of that unexpected benefit, it became a new selling point for the Action Office. After only two years on the market, sales soared. Competitors took notice.


I think my ASS is depreciating at a rate of 7 years. I should be able to write that off on my taxes too wtf.

Letter to the Editor

You don't know who John Stewart is? Are you retarded?

First off, it's JON stewart retard-boy...secondly, i was typing fast and I kept having Bill O'Reilly's name going through my head and I drew a mental blank.

Suck it.

yeah yeah

I'll get to blogging something, however I lead such a boring life I haven't had much to say, although this deserves special mention since I had witnesses...

On another note, someone needs to invent a NapMobile. Like they have mobile carwashes that come to your work and clean your car while it's parked....why not have a mobile NapMobile so that when people want to nap during their lunchhour they can go into a little area and sleep? Basically you're paying for a bed, clean sheets, and silence. People don't need alot of room...they can be little pods or something, japanese-style.

Sorry...when I think of something witty and/or enlightening, i'll let you all know....

Cranky sleepy tired blog

For more humorous pleasure ('cause i'm in a bad mood, bad self esteem, very sleepy, very "whoa is me" mood right now), I think hands-down That Maddox Site is the best site ever.

If you need a laugh, Here you go

It's hard out here for a pimp!

Okay, i gotta buy SOMETHING from BustedTees...

These are the best ones:



(If yer a myspace user, you'd get that one)





If i wasn't somewhat religious, and anti-wearing anything that has a religious name or image on it, i would SOOOO get this one:




Just effing fabulous:


Ahhhh I swear, I need more money for random useless stuff that I can never wear or use.

My blog would like to thank the Academy

Quick quick quick thoughts before the orchestra drowns me out...

1. I'm a BBQing grill-mastah! It's not like I've never BBQed before, but usually if Kraig is around I'd prefer that he do it (because i just don't LIKE it...the prepwork and all that)...but tonight, gasp, I actually BBQed all by my little ol' self while Kraig was out...and DAMN I made a mean, mean, MEAN mutha-effing chicken.

Okay really it came down to:
Anyone who's seen my pantry knows that I stock marinade like I'm stocking a bomb shelter. I keep buying marinades not realizing that I've got bottles and bottles of the same ones at home. Screw waiting for summer...i gotta start using this stuff up now. So I think Sundays are gonna be Marinated Chicken Night.
Mmm
mm
good

2. I didn't like Reese's dress.

3. I LOVED Keira's dress, Salma's dress, and Felicity's dress.

4. I think Ludacris was the best dressed guy, hands-down.

5. I never used to like George Clooney, but now that he's older and has grey hair, for some reason, this distinguished-look has piqued my interest.

6. I didn't think what's-his-face (the presenter, totally drawing a blank) was that funny,but it was a riot that he found it so hysterical that Three 6 Mafia were so hyped up by the win.

7. George Clooney's speech was PERFECT.

8. The chicken I made was really, really good.

9. Quite possibly, Jessica Alba is the most stunning gorgeous woman on the PLANET. Angelina looks hideous next to her even.

10. I think I'm going to start a "Let's Tell Sabina She Reminds People of Eva Longoria" fund....it's the hair! And I heard it again Friday. Now if only I had her money, her acting chops, her ass, her abs, and designers throwing their loot my way, I'd be SET. I guess I'll have to settle for the hair.

The Office

Okay so hands-down, Thursday nights are probably the most amazing thing to happen to TV. First you've got the OC, but you've also got My Name is Earl and The Office.

I'm officially obsessed with THe Office. Enough to rent the original BBC version and have a mini-marathon.

I'm checking out their website and they've got a mock-Dunder Mifflin site......the best is the "Featured Product" and its sku....that is effing hilarious.

The best part is, we've all got those types in our office or have in the past...
Michael Scott (the boss) easily reminds me of a certain chicken-skinned boss I had in San Jose for my first job here (Tony, you know who i mean...)

Pam is the Every Girl...pretty much all of us chicks...the ones who have the jobs but clearly would rather be in the big house with the big bucks...

Jim is the guy that we've all had a bit of a crush on, but would never admit to. What's funny is that the actor isn't a good-looking actor...but if he was a real dude in my office, OMG i would so have a mini-crush on him.

The Indian chick is the one who hangs out at your cube and NEVER shuts up.

That blond chick who's always bitter.....mannnnnn every company has the sourpuss beotch. Fortunately the one that she reminds me of I no longer have to deal with, but overall i don't think it's possible to have a workplace without her.

It kinda makes me want to work for a paper company....'cause at least they have flatscreen monitors.

On another note...

The New Year's Resolutions have taken a sour note.
First off, because for awhile i was diggin' the refinery thing (okay, not massively...but...better) but now I'm very "ahhh f*ck it all....take my attitude and shove it up your ass". Seriously disgruntled lately at life.
Why don't you just get over life?

As for the being a better wife...umm...haven't cooked dinner lately...AND...to top it off, we had ordered a ton of pizza and by the next day, i ate ALL the leftover...Kraig was like "i'll just have pizza...". Not only was there no pizza, there was no wife making him an alternative dinner either. I didn't even get up to pop a microwave meal in the freezer for him.

As for the splits....this morning I was so depressed over my lack of flexibility that I"m thinking I'm better off if someone just breaks me at the joints. People, I can't even touch my knees. MY KNEES. Let alone my toes. So this splits thing...you can imagine how far away I am from that pipe dream. I'm one stiff mofo.

Vocal tinkering with my future, one syllable at a time

Blatant advertising for Bryan's Blog http://zabtron.blogspot.com/

The Oscars are this weekend, and I've decided I've had it with award shows...anythingon VH1 or MTV is different, 'cause at least there's little mini skits or tons of music...plus formal stuff, forget it. All i need is my Red Carpet and I'm good to go. Especially now that Isaac Mizrahi is on E!.

I sure hope it rains on Sunday. That would be effing awesome.

In other news, this week I bought my first Girl Scout cookies. In canada they're "Girl Guides"...and there's 3 flavors...chocolate (two chocolate cookies with chocolate icing), vanilla (same deal), and then the "thin mint" kinds. That's IT. Although honestly, those Vanilla ones are to DIE for...i can't believe out of all the Girl Scout cookies they have here, they don't have the vanilla kind.

So in the US, Girl Scouts are seriously the reason for the rising waistlines....I can't begin to explain the number of cookies you can buy from them....things that shouldn't even be combined to form edible delectables are on the order sheet...

In other news, this is kind of a nerdy fun read....The history of the first Macs from teh guys who built them...they even have an entry for when they first presented a Mac to Mick Jagger.

And just 'cause I have not much to think of....(a particular person who shall remain nameless inspired me to write this)...Things that guys should either do or are responsible for....aka "Just be a f*cking man for God's sakes"

1. I'm sorry, but dammit, MEN EAT BURGERS. Round, ground up hunks of beef slapped between bread. And yes, they ahve to be round...if all you ate were White Castle burgers...well...you've got issues (moreso because your burgers have little holes in them)....And YES the bread is required. When i first met Kraig he was all Atkins before it was popular...and i was SO embarassed that he wouldn't eat the bun...I don't think I would have married him if eventually he didn't go back to eating burgers the normal, MANLY way.

2. Men should do the driving. Now don't get me wrong, there's plenty of times that I drive, especially when it's my car and i know where i'm going and he doesn't....but overall as a whole, if a group of people are going out...the majority of the time, the dude should drive. Not because it's the manly thing to do...but because, when asked, most guys will say "I'd probably drive...." because "I don't mind driving" or "I like driving"...

3. Men should do the BBQing. That includes all the prep work for it. Because they like raw meat and fire. I have no PROBLEMS barbequing...but do i really want raw meat steamed into my pores? I don't think so.

4. This one is Kraig's: it's the man's job to take out the trash. That being said, clearly to him that means only the kitchen trash because i'm the one running around from room to room wtf.

And a few more from said person, who shall remain nameless in case anyone wants to rip her a new one:

5. Opening car doors: so true...which also applies to regular doors....it's just SOOOO nice when a guy does that. I know you guys don't have to, but when you do...well...just know, we LOVE it.

6. Pay for taxi cabs: you know, i've never had a guy pay for a cab in full. WTF. Usually it's just a scramble for whoever's got cash.

7. Tip bellboys and other ancillary people that need to be tipped at hotels, valets, etc. ABSOLUTELY! I can't believe I didn't think of it myself, but yes, it's brilliant. I despise handing over the cash to another dude at a hotel, and it's usually a dude carrying your bags anyway...so it should be a man-to-man cash exchange.

8. Pump gas....yeah and I hate to admit this one, but deep down I do expect the dude to pump the gas. Especially since once time the gas totally leaked like crazy everywhere and if i've got open-toed shoes...that's just not right.

9. Mow the lawn: what's interesting is that growing up, my mom had this thing that I had to do dishes (not that often) and my brother had to mow the lawn (we lived in snow, that didn't happen much either)...i complained the mowing wasn't that bad so my brother and i switched for a week...OH MY GOD was I retarded?! My brother had teh dishes done in like 15 minutes and an hour later, i was still hauling that heavy ass thing around.

10. Wash the car: actually this one I kinda disagree with....I'm not sure why....i guess because I've never seen Kraig wash a car before, he always goes in to get it cleaned....i don't think i've EVER dated a guy who washed his own car....
11. Home improvement projects: ummm...well yeah that's good in theory....but if i want them done right (or really...done at ALL)...we know who's got the cordless drill in one hand, the hammer in the other....

So generally, here's what it comes down to...
I'm pretty independant, and I'm more than capable of doing anything on my own (whether it's grilling, wiring, or bellboy tipping)...but when a guy does it, it makes a chick feel super girly-girl and taken are of...if you like yer woman to have warm fuzzies when she's around you (i.e. increase your chances of getting laid)...suck it up and open the damn door.

Porn Starr...

Gasp Porn Starr and his wife got a house...
Tony's blog

Movin' on up!! This house better have a big ass kitchen...plus room for that lifesize Cher cutout. I'd like to see your moving box marked "The Fist"....

Letter to the Editor

"I'm trying to be more refined this year, anyway, I'm not sure the best way to cup the nuts during a B.J....."

It's a tough decision every female must make!

The Denver Crips

I don't know what it is about James Blunt, but there's something his face that I find captivating.

So let's get down to business...

1. American Idol

Quite truthfully, I hate this show. I only watch it when Kraig's watching it, and last night the way we had both TVs going with the DVRs, I didn't have much choice. To me it's nothing more than a flashy karaoke bar show. Now don't get me wrong...I dig the tall guy with the long hair (he reminds me of Smith from SATC)...and i REALLY like the bald guy, Chris....but wtf the judges are so retarded (If I hear the word "dawg" one more time, I'll stab either myself or the tv)....
PLUS...I hate that American Idol theme song. They play it ALL the frickin' time, i'd rather hear the drilling of a root canal.

2.America's Next Top Model
So they had a "where are they now" episode last night (got DVRed, I didn't see the whole thing)...all I gotta say is....DAMN I LOVE THAT SHOW. It's nowhere near as good without Janice Dickinson, but I'll take what I can get. There is nothing, NOTHING better than a show that is based purely on fluff. I love it.

3. Real World - Key West

I would just die to look like Svetlana (the Russian chick)....she's gorgeous and big-boobed...what more do you need in life? And when you've got looks and a body like that, you can be uber annoying...just like she is. But the annoying pretty girls always get their way, and I'm sure she does too. I wanna be that way! WTF!

And okay...I'll admit it. I dig the meat-head from this season. Normally I don't, but this frat boy...ohhh I dig him. Maybe it's his excessive arrogance. Maybe it's that he's definitely the Alpha Male. But what it probably is is that he brought his Inflatable Doll with him...and that's effing hilarious. Plus he's cute as hell.

That's my confession. He's super unlikeable, and yet, I wouldn't kick him out of my bed....

In other news, that Janelle girl works for MAC in San Jose....which means she works at the same location that Kraig's ex-girlfriend worked at. Good times.

is it bad that I laughed my ass off at a South Park rerun where Christopher Reeves was ripping fetuses' heads off and drinking their blood?