A few things to get to, since no blogging for the rest of the week.
Laguna Beach...wtf!...they have a BOOK? I love Laguna Beach, but come on fans should know when theyr'e stretching their two seconds left of fame...and what is up with that girl CRYING? Geezus it's only Talan...they aren't even reality show celebs, they're people that had a camera follow them. A camera could follow that crazy crying girl. And Talan is NASTY...not like my boy Stephen...now HE is worth bawling over.
Now the sun is setting,
Getting ready for tomorrow.Soon the moon'll be glowing,
Showing off the moonlight.
Take a look above you,
Discover the view.
If you haven't noticed,
Please do. Please do. Please do.
~Kermit the Frog
Now that Angelina and Brad have made it publicly official they're a couple....I realized...I just don't like them. I really do miss the Brad and Jen days. They look so....unapprochoable as a couple. She's got that "I'm the sexiest woman on the planet but I'm also mentally crazy and I'm a UN ambassador who helps the world's children and my dad is Jon Voight" thing going on...and now he's not the "hot husband next door", now he's the "I'm uber good looking while I help my girlfriend help the world's children and who's dad is Jon Voight"...
And I do NOT think Jennifer Aniston is pretty, but Vince Vaughn is hot in that "my brother's cool friend" kind of way, and the two of the make that "almost good looking...but not quite" kind of couple...so I totally approve and I'm now on Team Jen.
Let's go through the teams shall we?
I'm on:
Team LC (aka Lauren)
Team Aniston
Team Ritchie
I should get a tshirt for each. I also HAVE to buy a "Donna Martin graduates!" shirt....doesn't fall under my "elegance and refinement" goal for 2006, but that's just too good to pass up.
Forbes magazine listed the Top 10 aphrodisiacs (not sure what that has to do about finances, but whatever):
Barry White tunes: Truly frigid is the heart, mind and body that won't melt to the mellifluous come-ons of the most one-track baritone in history. Try: "It's Ecstasy When You Lay Down Next to Me," "Your Love--So Good I Can Taste It," "I'm Qualified to Satisfy You," "I'll Do For You Anything You Want Me To," and of course, "Can't Get Enough of Your Love Babe."
Hmmm, never had anyone try that on me...probably because I keep thinking of Bleeding Gums Murphy every time I hear Barry White...but I did spend a weekend away listening to Marvin Gaye...I highly recommend it!
A few stiff drinks: A zillion tipsy one-night-standers can't be wrong. Though the ladies on Sex In The City still swill Cosmos, in the end it really doesn't matter what you drink, so long as you do. Just be careful: As Shakespeare noted of booze in "Macbeth": "it provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance."
That should be #1. It may take away the performance of men, but certainly not for chicks.
A dozen oysters: If, as Jonathan Swift observed, "He was a bold man that first eat an oyster," then he was a brilliant man that first tried these tangy and lubricious little bi-pods for seduction. Freshen up afterwards with a moist towelette.
I'd rather put a fork in my eye than eat an oyster
Promises, promises: "Sure, baby, I'll hook you up with that producer friend of mine." "Of course they're orchestra seats--nothing less for you, my little turtledove." "Paris in the fall? No problem, sweetie." Repeat as necessary.
Interesting idea. I can't imagine what I could ever promise a guy (other than sex itself) that would actually turn a guy on. I suppose I could tell Kraig "yes sweetie, you can get Raiders season tix again"...
A little skin: There's a reason why the Taliban covers women in chadors--although the same can be said for men as well. There's nothing like a bared midriff or well-turned calf to put a snap in your turban.
Shouldn't this be #2? And speaking of skin, let's go through the most important parts of a guy's body: his hands (we do NOT want nasty ugly hands touching us...get an effing manicure if you have to), the back of his neck (why a haircut is SO important...a guy's neck is like....gold....), and shoulders...the guy has to be able to swing you over his shoulders in case of a fire...
Manolo Blahniks: Well, they're certainly not made for walking. . . Sexy for her, seductive for him and at those prices, cheaper than a suite at the Ritz. In basic black leather, of course.
The key thing here is shoes...see my other blog written by Felicity Huffman...we fantastize about shoes. Yes, a damn fine shoe can get any girl's blood pumping to the nether-regions.
Backrubs: Alternately chaste and erotic at the same time, backrubs are a tried-and-true prelude to, ahem, more intimate relations. The theory is that once someone lets you knead their neck and shoulders they may let you satisfy other needs as well.
This should be #3...backrubs are a "legitimate" method to touch someone, playing innocent when there's an ulterior motive and both people know it.
Perfume: Yeats wrote that "love comes in at the eye" but, as anyone who has ever had their olfactory bells rung by a whiff of Chanel No. 5 can tell you, the nose can also successfully stimulate the pheromones. It's a matter of basic chemistry: perfume + body heat = arousal.
Should be #4. A guy's pheromones make ALL the difference. The only thing that sucks is when a guy sprays on too much cologne, and then if you kiss his neck and you taste it...nasty.
Money: Call us cynical but few aphrodisiacs are as potent as a big bank account. Money may not be able to buy love but what it can buy may make you a lot more attractive.
I'd like to say this isn't true, but I also dated a rich guy for almost 4 years and I'm sure somewhere in there the money part was a big turn on!
A diamond engagement ring: The ultimate aphrodisiac. For women, that is. For men, it can often have quite the reverse effect.
True dat.
I'm hungry. Gonna scour the building for food. Probably Famous Amos. Damn that crunchy cookie. i don't even LIKE chocolate chip cookies really.
The song of the day is Don't Forget About Us by Mariah Carey
Baby I must confess
We were bigger than anything
Remember us at our best
And don't forget about
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